It started with 4 Narcans and in the end it was beyond anything I thought humanly possible...

     In the days of what u think is a ticket of heroin it's very common to stumble upon carfentynal...  Which nowadays there's no longer a 6 narcan limit. They go for as long as they think you're not going to come back. Ten, fifteen, twenty and on and on... Unknown to most as you see that powder in the tin and your mouth begins to water as you add the water from your syringe and it mixes up just as clean as shit without any cut.  FUCKING BINGO BABY!
     Fast forward as you poke your usual spot, for me all has been used up and it's my neck for the fastest most direct shot possible to hit the brain. You draw back and that excitement as you see that blood rush into the needle seems more exciting than christmas as a kid EVER did!  You settle for a split second waiting to see if the dope has any merit to it.  Usually it's that nice euphoric glow if you've hit pay dirt or that pissy feeling that ugh it's barely maintenance dope...
     This time there was just a warm fuzz for a split second and then the uncomfortable feeling of why is the huge bag of ice on my balls!  Thankfully I was in a fleebag motel with a working ice machine. Then a familiar face staring at you saying we just had to narcan you! You were fucking dead!  A split second passes as that taste of narcan is dripping down your sinus passages tasting like the most ungodly shit you've ever tasted and it hits you that the high you had felt is gone to be replaced with that 'ol wonderful feeling of pure dope sickness front and center worse than you've ever felt. The thought of just having died takes a back seat to the feeling of being dope sick and no longer feeling that nice warm cozy comfort that only a dope fiend can relate to...
     To the "normies" the thought is why would you even consider taking the chance?  Why can't you just stop?  Oh well FUCK YOU VERY MUCH if I could make that option like not adding salt to my McDonalds fries I'd clearly take a step back and realize that I'm taking a chance at suicide every time I make that choice to shoot up. 
     For now I just tried to get into a maintenance program and was told I needed to go to detox before they could start me.   So there's more time out of my life I'm risking as I try to stay "normal" and try to get into a treatment center.  So tick tock against the system as it's only my life and that of many other fellow addicts hanging in the balance.  Meanwhile I can walk into a pharmacy and get the main ingredient to make meth and just have my name taken down but I can't get a maintenance drug through the same means. Seems fucked up if you put that in perspective...  Am I wrong to think that?  Well anyway it's tick tock against father time for this addict.  Anyone else feel the same???