So I sit here on Christmas night in my favorite chair smoking a cigarette watching the Preacher season one DVD while I'm reflecting on the past month of self induced hell I've put myself through. Go figured that the selfish alcoholic/addict that my ego is would selfishly put me through that. Right I don't deserve better than that, right! Right?
It's been about four weeks since I've made a motion to call my sponsor. I was blessed to share a very small meeting on Thanksgiving night with him and two other of my closest friends. Since leaving the room that night on such a natural high I proceeded to sit and stew in my own shit as we say for the last month with a case of the poor (pour) me's, if you catch my drift. I haven't picked up, but I may as well have been with the program I've practiced in that time!
In fact, I've pretty much gone through the motions very minimal and stuck to the service commitments (half assed at that) without reflection on my own program much at all. That pessimistic asshole ego of mine was running the show. Fortunately the tools the program has given me keep the AWARENESS of that ego front and center even if I do get the eh's. It is quite possible that someone by chance will stumble upon this post and be able to relate, but this is helping me see that daily inventory that I've let get away from me recently. It's about midnight and I've managed to make it another 24...
No comments:
Post a Comment