Daily Reflections - January 3rd

POWERLESS

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21

It is no coincidence that the very first Step mentions powerlessness: An admission of personal powerlessness over alcohol is a cornerstone of the foundation of recovery. I've learned that I do not have the power and control I once thought I had. I am powerless over what people think about me. I am powerless over having just missed the bus. I am powerless over how other people work (or don't work) the Steps. But I've also learned I am not powerless over some things. I am not powerless over my attitudes. I am not powerless over negativity. I am not powerless over assuming responsibility for my own recovery. I have the power to exert a positive influence on myself, my loved ones, and the world in which I live.

Just For Today - January 2nd

Daily Reflections - December 30th

ANONYMITY

Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 562

Tradition Twelve became important early in my sobriety and, along with the Twelve Steps, it continues to be a must in my recovery. I became aware after I joined the Fellowship that I had personality problems, so that when I first heard it, the Tradition's message was very clear: there exists an immediate way for me to face, with others, my alcoholism and attendant anger, defensiveness, offensiveness. I saw Tradition Twelve as being a great ego-deflator; it relieved my anger and gave me a chance to utilize the principles of the program. All of the Steps, and this particular Tradition, have guided me over decades of continuous sobriety. I am grateful to those who were here when I needed them.

Just For Today December 30th

December 30 Action and prayer “...growth is not the result of wishing but of action and prayer.” Basic Text, p. 37 ––––=–––– Sometimes it seems as if our recovery is growing much too slowly.  We struggle with the steps; we wrestle with the same problems; we labor under the same uncomfortable feelings day after day.  We wish that recovery would move a little faster so we could find some comfort! Wishing doesn’t work in recovery; this isn’t a program of magic.  If wishes cured addiction, we all would have been well long ago!  What does give us relief in recovery is action and prayer. Narcotics Anonymous has worked for so many addicts because it is a carefully designed program of action and prayer.  The actions we undertake in each of the steps bring more and more recovery to each area of our lives.  And prayer keeps us connected to our Higher Power.  Together, action and prayer keep us well-grounded in recovery. ––––=–––– Just for today:  My recovery is too precious to just wish about it.  Today is a good day for action and prayer.

Just For Today - December 29th

December 29

Through others' eyes

"When someone points out a shortcoming, our first reaction may be defensive.... [But] if we truly want to be free, we will take a good look at input from fellow addicts."

Basic Text, p.36

At some point in our recovery, we come to the awkward realization that the way we see ourselves is not necessarily the way others do. We are probably neither as bad, as good, as beautiful, or as ugly as we think we are-but we are too close to ourselves to really tell for sure. That's where our friends in the program come in, caring enough to share with us what they see when they look in our direction. They tell us the good things about ourselves we might not know-and they tell us the hard things, too, that we might not be able to see. We may react defensively to such "help"-and, in some cases, justly so. However, even malicious  remarks about our supposed shortcomings can shed light on aspects of our recovery that we cannot see ourselves. Wherever a useful insight comes from, for whatever reason it is offered, we cannot afford to discount it. We don't need to wait for others to spontaneously offer their insight. When we spend time with our sponsor or other NA members we trust, we can make the first move and ask them to tell us what they see about particular areas of our lives to which we are blind. We want a broader vision of our life than just our own; we can have that vision by seeing ourselves through the eyes of others.

Just for Today: I seek to see myself as I truly am. I will listen to what others say about me, and see myself through their eyes.

Daily Reflections December 29th

THE JOY OF LIVING

. . . therefore the joy of good living is the theme of A.A.'s Twelfth Step.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125

A.A. is a joyful program! Even so, I occasionally balk at taking the necessary steps to move ahead, and find myself resisting the very actions that could bring about the joy I want. I would not resist if those actions did not touch some vulnerable area of my life, an area that needs hope and fulfillment. Repeated exposure to joyfulness has a way of softening the hard, outer edges of my ego. Therein lies the power of joyfulness to help all members of A.A.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Heading on 4 years and this is the toughest holiday season yet...

     So I sit here on Christmas night in my favorite chair smoking a cigarette watching the Preacher season one DVD while I'm reflecting on the past month of self induced hell I've put myself through.  Go figured that the selfish alcoholic/addict that my ego is would selfishly put me through that.  Right I don't deserve better than that, right!  Right? 
     It's been about four weeks since I've made a motion to call my sponsor.  I was blessed to share a very small meeting on Thanksgiving night with him and two other of my closest friends.  Since leaving the room that night on such a natural high I proceeded to sit and stew in my own shit as we say for the last month with a case of the poor (pour) me's, if you catch my drift.  I haven't picked up, but I may as well have been with the program I've practiced in that time!
     In fact, I've pretty much gone through the motions very minimal and stuck to the service commitments (half assed at that) without reflection on my own program much at all.  That pessimistic asshole ego of mine was running the show. Fortunately the tools the program has given me keep the AWARENESS of that ego front and center even if I do get the eh's.  It is quite possible that someone by chance will stumble upon this post and be able to relate, but this is helping me see that daily inventory that I've let get away from me recently.  It's about midnight and I've managed to make it another 24...